What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you read that statement?
Life is unfair? Maybe it was something along the lines of “it’s hard” or life is “always out to get me.” Perhaps it’s an obvious statement and you are wondering where this is headed.
It’s a cool and rainy Sunday morning here, I have a warm cup of Joe next to me as well as a piece of toast covered with peanut butter. Actually I think layered would be more appropriate. I love peanut butter.
Anyway, it’s a morning that I’ve spent taking a look inward and reflecting. I listen to a variety of audiobooks and podcasts with great messages, and have also been fortunate to be a part of a couple deep conversations this week. A certain theme kept popping up during those including Mitch and I’s conversation Thursday night while recording the latest episode of our podcast The Little Things. Then, during my commute to work on Friday, I heard it again. Perhaps I’m suppose to write about it. Perhaps it’ll spark conversation.
At the beginning of this post I asked what you thought about when reading the title. I think that’s important because it’s half of the message. Here it is in full:
Life doesn’t give you what you want. It gives you what you deserve.
There’s so much to unpack here. I’m going to attempt to keep this brief and let you guys reflect on your interpretation and hopefully hear your thoughts on it. There are hundreds of different aspects and viewpoints around that statement. I’d like to touch on just a few I’ve uncovered between the conversations this week and my thoughts this morning.
Myself included, I think a lot of us have had phases in our lives where we question “why is this happening to me?” “Why is life so hard on me?” From the video and message I posted in You Are The Author Of The Book Of Your Life, life is not easy. Period. “Life isn’t fair” is a common saying I hear. You know what can be easy for most of us? To feel like a victim. To feel like life is hard on us, happening to us, and every bump in the road is just another reminder that someone else has it better. As I’ve continued to learn and grow it has become more evident that how we are showing up each day can be determined by our outlook about life. Here’s an example of how just one word can change your perspective: Life is happening to me versus Life is happening for me. It’s extremely hard to see the underlying meaning behind events in our lives that crush us or set us back. However, you made it through and hopefully grew from that experience. The valleys, the road blocks, and the losses happen to all of us. It’s important to learn from those setbacks and believe that there was a greater purpose. Life is happening for you.
There’s a key word I’m going to dig deeper on in that statement - want. However it is used, want is essentially a desire or wish for something. We all want a good life, whatever that means to each of us. We want great relationships, nice things, successful careers, and those moments of stillness in our busy lives. We all want to achieve our dreams and become the best version of ourselves. Agreed? Perfect, now comes the hard part - the work to achieve all those things you desire. Are we willing to work for all the things we want in life? If you truly want something deep down, you can have it. You just have to set goals, put in the work, and stay focused until you succeed what you set out to do. Dreams without goals are just dreams. I think that’s why the second part of the quote above is so important. If we just get everything we want, everything we ask for, and are given handouts left and right - now what? You have that thing you wanted, but did you earn it? Did you go through the hardship, the growing pain, the learning lesson? Now that you have what you want at the snap of your fingers, you’ll likely want more. There’s something that is so unfulfilling in that. Winning the lottery is often a big desire for people, an easy way to the top, and would seem to solve all of our problems right? One third of all lottery winners eventually declare bankruptcy. One third. I’ve read that several winners battle depression, divorce, and suicide. They state they wish they had never won and that winning actually made their lives worse. Why? Among a variety of reasons, I have one - they didn’t earn it.
I’ll quickly touch on a more relatable example. Your passion project, your fitness goal, where you’d like to take the business you started. My Pop is a great example. Farming is one of the most grueling, time consuming, hard working businesses I know of. You are consistently fixing equipment, replacing parts, seeding, fertilizing, harvesting, hauling crops, and tackling an endless list of other things. Day after day after day. Farmers often start work when it’s dark out and come home completely exhausted. I think he could attest to this, but all that hard work he goes through? It makes the end result so much more fulfilling. So much more worth it. There’s so much more gratitude and appreciation at the end of the day knowing that the goal he achieved was because he put in the work to get there. He earned it. He deserved it.
Thank you for reading. This stuff fuels me. I hope this message stirred up some perspective. There are so many interpretations and thoughts around a topic like this, I truly hope to hear from you. You’ve been so inspiring and continue to widen my gaze. I thank you for that.
I look forward to continuing the conversation through theitsjustjakeblog@gmail.com.
Happy Sunday.
Thank you for your time.
