Why?
If there is a word that has recurred more than this one as of late I am unaware of it. It would have a lot of catching up to do.
In fact the more I think about it the more I realize this may be the most popular word, and question, in life period.
It’d be hard to put into words how many times this word has circumnavigated my mind and left the tip of my tongue even just these last four weeks. It’s come up in numerous conversations, interactions, and events. Even the time I’ve spent with myself in silence, letting my mind wander, there seems to be a recurrence I can’t ignore. I can’t ignore the word because it feels like it’s been pulling me towards it. It wants me to think about it. It wants me to write about it. It wants me to question it. It wants to get me to answer it.
Why?
Late in January we started recording Episode 17 of The Little Things Podcast. In Season Two we are uncovering answers to the question “What makes a meaningful life?” The answer to this particular episode sparked one of the best conversations we have had to date - Being Able To Answer Why.
Are we always able to answer it? Are there times where we don’t have a clue why? What about when we question every single aspect of a series of unfortunate events, or loss, or pain? What do we always ask?
Why?
In our discussion we uncovered that there are certainly things to which we can answer why. Why did I get a 43 on my math test? Oh yeah, I didn’t prepare. Why do I feel lethargic? Wait, I just realized John at Taco Bell greets me at the door and plays Xbox with my son. Why should we hire you? “I am kind, I am smart, and I am broke.”
As our conversation opened up we both became aware of something - there are times where we simply cannot answer why.
In certain situations this can often be the case, at least not right away. It may take weeks, months, or even years to realize why something happened. If we’re being completely honest with ourselves, there may be times where we will never be able to answer why.
You’ve been through things and questioned why. I’ve been through things and questioned why. It’s happened to us multiple times. I can vividly take myself back to moments in my life where absolutely nothing made sense. I’ll share one of them with you.
There was a period of time when I was living in Colorado that completely threw me for a loop. My personal life, my well-being, my career, my relationship, and my health are a just a few things that I couldn’t figure out what was going on. When I say it felt like I couldn’t do anything right, I mean there was nothing that was going my way. Absolutely nothing. I couldn’t do the dishes right let alone enjoy myself, enjoy work, or make my partner happy. Whatever it was I was doing it didn’t reciprocate. No matter how hard I tried there was no song, no interaction, no words, and no work that brought me any joy. Growing up, especially through sports, hard work and determination always paid off. The shots eventually start to fall. The wins start piling up. For the first time in my life no shots were falling. No wins were being accumulated. Everything I tried my hand at just seemed to bury me deeper and deeper. There wasn’t a positive thing I could identify about what I was experiencing. Nothing made sense.
Why? Why is this happening to me? Why am I in such a deep rut? Why did I move? Why can’t I get out of this funk? Why do I feel like I have lost my faith?
To keep it as simple as I possibly can, there was something that slowly but surely happened over time.
I quit trying to answer why. I let go, and then let God.
During a recent conversation with a good friend of mine he shared a story that really impacted me. He had been going through some ups and downs in life a few years back and had been searching for more. One night him and a buddy began talking about faith and how some things they’ve experienced brought questions along with them. As he got to the top of the stairs at home that night something hit him. Something literally dropped him, he fell to one knee and put his hand over his heart. He described it as a gut-punch as if God was telling him “hey, I am here, inside you, and I am real.” It was my friend’s defining moment of conviction. He knew from that moment on that although we don’t visibly see Him, God is real.
As I processed our conversation and looked at my own story some things began to finally make sense. During my period of question I looked inside and really started to process and identify what was going on. Instead of looking for external joy, happiness, and validation I did the exact opposite. I began to slow down and spend time with myself. I began to read, write, meditate, and got back to things I thoroughly enjoyed. During those times it was as if someone was urging me to make those changes.
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The more I’ve thought about it and reflected over time the harder it is to try and put into words. It was intuition. It was a feeling. It was believing that something greater was happening for me. I didn’t need to answer why. I needed to trust.
As I look back on that period in my life, and several since, one thing has become crystal clear to me: I was meant to go through those tough times, those valleys, those moments where it felt like there was no way I was going to get out. The growth I’ve experienced since cannot be overstated. What I learned about myself, my experiences, and my relationships is knowledge I will continue to hold close throughout my journey. I am in a completely different frame of mind and am more fulfilled mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually than I have ever been.
Remember those tough times? Absolutely nothing made sense during those moments, but yet as I look back now, most of those things make complete sense. I have slowly been able to answer why I’ve gone through certain things and have left others completely unanswered. That’s where I believe we need to leave space for hope. That’s where we leave space for faith. That’s where we leave space for grace.
Here’s what I invite you to do: take a minute, close your eyes, and bring yourself back to a period in your life where you experienced something like this. Where nothing was going the way you wanted, where you were struggling, where nothing made sense no matter how much you wanted it to. I want you to really feel it. Your emotions, your day to day mindset you were in, how you felt when you were by yourself. Feel it. Do you have your moment?
Now, think of where you are at today. Reflect on your time spent since that moment. What has happened? Are you the same person? What have you learned? Then ask yourself this - were you able to answer why to every single thing that happened during that period of time? Or since?
Every single day we ask the question why. We ask why in moments of uncertainty. We ask why when something goes wrong. We ask why when we lose someone we love. It hits deep and hurts the most when we can’t begin to understand why someone we love was taken from us. We have all been there. We may be going through it right now. The pain, uncertainty, and grief we go through is unbearable at times. I hope that I, that we, can simply encourage each other. Comfort each other. Care for and love one another. I hope we can leave some space. I hope we can believe.
That’s where I leave you today. I encourage you to reflect and identify times in question, past or present, and try to keep it simple.
Let go, and let God.
